The Envy Horror Picture Show
by The Mr. Clean Alchemist
Summary: [AU]Ed and Al are walking along a road when Al hurts his leg. They go to a house for a bandage to find none other than Roy and Riza, and a mysterious host. [amnesiactype RoyAi][crack]


_**Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, Rocky Horror Picture show, or any of the songs that I'll most likely feature in fragments of the lyrics. I own some Dvds. That doesn't count. Take the, lawyer bitches! Oh yeah, I als o sort-of-quoted RHPS near the middle of the fanfic. THERE.**_

_**A/N: Al has his body in this story because I say so.

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It was a fairly calm day in the city of Central, Amestris, at least by Central's standards. Nobody was getting killed, and at Central Military headquarters, Edward Elric wasn't even getting yelled at. Nope. He wasn't getting yelled at, though, because he and his brother Alphonse were currently sitting outside of Roy Mustang's office, waiting for the hurricane. Their latest search for the Philosophers stone had ended in pieces, figuratively.

"Edward, the Colonel will see you know." Mustang's subordinate, Riza Hawkeye, said as she opened the office door. Ed groaned audibly and stood up. Riza held the door for him and his brother as they entered.

Ed sat down on the small couch near Roy's desk, with Al standing behind. Hawkeye took her usual post to the left of Mustang. Roy seemed completely calm or the first thirty seconds or so, then burst out,

"WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP FUNDING YOU ON THIS FUCKING GOOSE CHASE!" He screamed at about forty decibels, nearly blowing the short boy onto his brother.

"Jeez, calm down, Colonel. It was only a couple thousand rats." Ed said with a touch of sarcasm that made the older man roll his eyes.

"Only a couple thousand rats. A couple thousand lives." He said sternly. Edward glared at him.

"Get out." Mustang ordered.

"Gladly. Come on, Al." Ed stood up and stormed out of the room in his usual huff.

"Goodbye, sirs!" Alphonse, always polite, said to Colonel and Lieutenant before he left the room with his brother. Hawkeye glanced at Roy, who had his hand up to his forehead.

"Damn. That boy gives me a headache." Mustang said, referring to Ed.

"Yessir."

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Now. I would like to take you, if I may…on a strange and unusual journey. A strange and unusual journey that would change young Ed and Al's lives forever.

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"Stupid Colonel. Acts like he knows so much. He's just full of crap. Right, Al?" Ed asked as he walked along the side of the road. It was getting dark outside, and starting to rain.

"No, brother! We're indebted to-AAAH!" The younger brother had tripped over a rock.

"Al! Are you all right!" Ed said, bending down to help his brother. But Al really wasn't very all right. The rock had torn open the leg of his pants, and his leg was bleeding profusely.

"Ow…" Al moaned. He wasn't really one to complain, but it hurt like hell. Ed grimaced.

" Come on, Al. I saw a house back a ways on the road. Maybe they have some bandages we can use." He said, stupidly not considering making one with alchemy. Al was in too much pain to remember alchemy, as well. Crap.

Edward flung his little brother over his shoulder rather recklessly (ow) and started off running to the house. As he ran, the rain grew heavier. By the time they had reached it, it was pouring rain and they were both soaked.

Ed went up to the front door and banged on it three times. He waited a moment, then banged on it again. He was scared half out of his wits when someone answered the door. Oh, not just any person. ROY-  
PERSON.

"MUSTANG! What the hell are you doing here!" Ed cried.

"Oh. Edward, Alphonse…. You're wet. Come inside." Roy said. His voice seemed to have changed. It was sort of creeepy.

"Uh, yeah…. It's raining…. Okay." Ed stepped awkwardly into the house. It was dusty, and there were spiderwebs everywhere. He heard screams and laughter coming from deeper inside. "Is there a party going on or something?"

"Oh, yes. I guess you could call it an…exhibition." Roy told him, in that same creepy voice.

"Would you stop talking like that! It's weirding me out." Ed said.

"What are you talking about?"

"…Nevermind."

Suddenly, a woman slid down the banister of the staircase off to the side of the room that Ed hadn't noticed. She seemed drunk. Edward didn't realize who it was until she raised her head. It was….

"LIEUTENANT HAWKEYE!" Now he was scared what was wrong with this place? Had everyone gone insane? Then Ed remembers that Al was still on his shoulder, and dumped him on the floor.

"Ah, Riza." Roy said, turning to her. "I was wondering where you were."

"Of course you were, darling." She smirked, walked over to him and placed her arms around his neck. Roy smiled that boyish smile he was so famous for. And Ed was confused.

"I'm confused…but…anyway…. do you have some bandages that I can use? My brother injured his leg, He's, uh, bleeding pretty badly."

"Yes. We have some bandages. But you'll have to go…UPSTAIRS. MWHAHAHAHAHA…" He laughed. Riza laughed with him.

"MWHAHAHAHA…."

"MWHAHAHAHA…. "

**"MWHAHAHAHA…."**

"….O-O" Ed made a scared face and backed off slowly.

Once Roy and Hawkeye had collected themselves from their fit of Evil laughter, Roy grabbed Ed's arm and Riza grabbed Al's good leg and dragged them both deep into the house. Dragged them to….

UNCERTAIN DOOM.

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**_A/N: So what do you think? Should I delete it?_**


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